It’s Mother’s Day, and all week I’ve been thinking today would be the day I start writing again. Today can bring joy and happy memories, it’s an excuse to give moms a “break” from their normal responsibilities, and celebrate them for all that they do everyday. But sometimes our moms are taken from us before we’re ready.
When my mom passed away in 2007, I had no idea I wasn’t ready. I only knew she was no longer suffering and for that I was thankful. I just let her go. I remember waking up in the middle of the night a few weeks later, and seeing her sitting in the chair next to my bed. She didn’t move or say anything, and I just sat there, frozen.
Fast forward to 2018, at 3 years old Alanna had become obsessed with horses. (If you knew her, then you know my mom loved her horses.) Out of nowhere a collector catalog addressed to myself arrived in our mailbox. I realized the horses my mom had collected from all over the world, were in boxes in my basement. They’re now in Alanna’s room.
June 2019, I had a dream I was visiting a family friend, and when I walked in their home, I saw one of my mom’s horse statues. I didn’t ask for it, I just said I was happy it was being loved. I woke up, completely forgetting the dream… until a couple weeks later…
July 2019, my husband and I were in Branson, Missouri. We were walking through a Native American museum, seeing several dark bronze statues, and I remember the dream. I told Larry about it and asked if he knew the statue because it’s famous, only I couldn’t remember the name. I looked all over that museum, but didn’t see it. That night we went to dinner at Top of the Rock. While waiting for our table, we walked down to the wine cellar, and outside. Larry was a few steps ahead of me and he stopped and just looked at me, and said, “that?” And there it was, literally larger than life. My mom’s statue, right there in the middle of the infinity pool. “End of the Trail”
Alanna started horse riding lessons back in the fall, and mom’s “cowboy hat” belt buckle just happened to be in a box of random things in my office. Last week I was thinking it had been awhile since anything strange has happened, and then yesterday I saw it. Growing up, every spring, a single yellow tulip would bloom by the tree in our front yard. I only remember because I got in trouble for picking it once! Mom told me that my aunt had planted them several years before and only one continued to bloom. We haven’t started working on our landscaping yet this year, and it’s pretty sad to put it nicely. Yesterday, I walked out to check the mail, and right in front of my porch, a single yellow tulip.
A little over a week ago, as I was tucking Alanna in to bed, she said “You know your mom is still with you right? She may be in heaven, but she’s with God. And God lives in our hearts, so that means your mom is in your heart too.”
Happy Mother’s Day Mama.
FearlessHapaGirl 